After Carrie's son was born, she wanted to talk to someone about adoption - but getting information was difficult. Then she contacted The Cradle.
Carrie made an adoption plan after her son was born
My name is Carrie, I placed for adoption about four years ago and just so that you have some reference, I’m 40, so I was 36 years old at the time. So, not all adoption stories are about young teenagers who find themselves in these situations. When I went to the doctor, pregnancy was the furthest thing from my mind. I really thought, you know, I had intestinal blockage, my kidneys, something was very, very wrong here. So when the doctor came in and said, “Oh, congratulations, you’re expecting!” I almost fell off the table. I was about 7 and a half, 8 months along already. I am a mother of two teenagers so for me to sit down and have another baby at this age, I had to take them into consideration along with myself and along with the new baby. So, I went to go talk to the social worker at the hospital and her ideas of adoption I know now were very archaic. It was basically, you come in, you give birth, they come and take the baby, that’s it. And that’s not the case at all. The day after he was born, I met with a different case worker, and she said, “I understand you’re considering adoption,” and I said, “Well, I need more information. He’s here, I need to make a plan, I need to understand the process.” And she gave me a list of names of adoption agencies to choose from and, well, how do you pick? So I said to her, “Well, which one have you worked with in the past and had great success with?” And she said The Cradle. So I said, that’s who we call.
Carrie chose adoption for her son... learn why
Slide: It was the best decision for everyone involved. Carrie: I got a phone call from my birth mom counselor, Pat, and we set up a meeting at Starbucks, of all places. She basically gave me the gist: this is what it is, this is what the journey will be like if this is what you choose. She was so compassionate and understanding: ‘I know you feel like you’re in a situation because now the baby’s here, but I want you to go home and I want you to think about parenting. I know what I did for my first two and what I had come up with was I don’t have the energy or the time to invest in an infant. There would be, you know, ten hour days at daycare. I would have to come home from work and feed all of them, put them all to bed. That would basically be the essence of it and I didn’t want that for the youngest because that’s not what my older two got from me. I went home and really thought about it: ‘Is this really something that I want to do? Is this really the choice that I want to make for this child?’ And on every level that I questioned, it was yes this is the best for everybody involved.
Carrie, who placed her son for adoption, discusses the support she received from her counselor
My birth mother counselor here at The Cradle was absolutely phenomenal. I explained to her the first time I met her that, “I know nothing about adoption, so you’ll have to give me the severe crash course.” And she did. Whatever questions I had, she answered. And I asked some pretty stupid questions. One of my questions was, “God forbid something were to happen to Frank and Elise, do I get him back?” And she’s like, “No… Just like any parents they make the plans and the arrangements.” But it’s funny the things that go through your head when you’re going through this. And she was there for every stupid question, that I think is stupid now. She was there, I could call her at any time and she would just talk to me. The first Mothers’ Day, she called. And the amount of support that I received from her alone was amazing.
Carrie discusses why she chose The Cradle for her adoption plan
They want it to be right for everybody. That’s The Cradle’s mission. They want these little babies to be put in the right situation by the right people and they want to make sure that the birth parents aren’t making a decision of desperation, that it’s well-informed. And that to me, just means everything. And like I said, when I met with the social worker at the hospital, her opinion was extremely archaic, and The Cradle totally changed my opinion of the process of placement. I felt no pressure and according to the social worker, they were just going to come in and take the baby, and that was going to be it. There’s just such a wealth of help here, and if you are in a plan, no matter how far along, The Cradle is always here for you. NO matter which side of the fence you’re on: whether you’re the placing parents, the adoptive parents, or the one that was placed. And I think that’s pretty phenomenal.
Carrie, who chose adoption for her son, discusses choosing a family
I had no idea that I had those choices, I said, “What, you guys just don’t pick?” And she said, “Well, we can, if that’s what you want but you can pick and then we’ll give you what’s called their profile, every prospective adoptive parent makes a profile.” Which I thought was really interesting. And for me, I got excited, because I actually had a say in who gets to parent him, so we went through all these questions and the one that really stuck out to me, was that I got to pick their family structure. And I decided that I wanted a family that he would be their first, not their only necessarily, but their first. And to be totally honest, I initially picked Frank and Elise off of their cover picture. And when I sat down to do this, I said a prayer to God, I said, “Please, let his parents be in here and please let me know when I come across them.” And the profiles that I read were just heartwarming and loving. When I got to Frank and Elise’s, there’s a picture of the two of them sitting there and there’s a little space in between the two of them, and I thought, “That’s where he belongs. He belongs right there.” And then I read their profile, and I sobbed because this was… it’s them. This is who they are, these are his parents. So I called, it was Good Friday, I called my birth mother counselor and said, “This is who I would like to meet.” And two days later I met Frank and Elise for the first time. When I met them, I was excited. I’m like, “Yeah, I get to give her her son. I want that experience with them.”