In celebration of National Adoption Day, The Cradle is hosting a FREE live webinar for family and friends of those who are in the process of adopting or have already adopted. Join us from 6 to 6:45 p.m. CT on Nov. 15 to learn about the basics of adoption and how you can provide meaningful support to the adoptive and prospective adoptive parents in your life. All are welcome, whether you are supporting someone working with The Cradle or not. Register today!
Explore our guide to helping your extended family and loved ones prepare for and support your adoption journey with understanding and care.
As you prepare to welcome a new child into your family, your loved ones — parents, siblings, nieces, nephews and other close relatives and friends — are also preparing to embrace this new chapter. While this can be an exciting time, it can bring about unique challenges, especially when family members are unfamiliar with the adoption process. Discover thoughtful ways to help them navigate this important transition while prioritizing the needs of both you and your child.
Share your education and resources
As you move through the adoption and home study process, your many classes and training sessions will teach you a lot about adoption. Your extended family will not have the same opportunity to learn alongside you, which is why you can serve as their ambassador for adoption.
Some family members may have misconceptions or outdated views about adoption, birth parents, openness, transracial adoption and other topics. It’s important to help educate your circle on the issues that will matter to you and your child. You can also share self-care strategies you’ve learned so that those close to you can help make the most of the waiting period before placement.
If you’ve found certain books, podcasts or blogs helpful in your adoption journey, consider sharing them with your family. For those eager to learn more, Cradle counselors recommend the following resources:
- “In On It: What Adoptive Parents Would Like You to Know About Adoption. A Guide for Relatives and Friends” by Elisabeth O’Toole
- “Adoption Is a Family Affair: What Relatives and Friends Must Know” by Patricia Irwin Johnson
- “Sam’s Sister” by Juliet C. Bond, a children’s book to help your younger family members
Get your family involved to your comfort
If your family is new to adoption, they might not know how to navigate their excitement, anticipation and concerns about the process. Involving them in the journey can help channel these complex emotions into something meaningful. You might invite them to join you at adoption-related events or help prepare your home for your child’s arrival. Allow your loved ones to share in this experience in the ways that feel right for you.
Accept the help you need
Your loved ones may want to support you as you prepare for adoption. Learning to say, “thank you” and accepting the help you need can make a difference. Whether you have a wish list of items you would like them to share with others, or if you would appreciate a meal train or financial assistance after placement, allow your family to help lighten the load of this big transition.
Identifying your specific needs is a great way to ensure you receive help in the areas that matter to you. It is okay to communicate what you do and do not need. For example, a parent may offer to help you set up a nursery. If you do not feel ready for that step until placement, redirect that offer into something that you are ready for, like creating a wish list of nursery items for when the time is right.
Set appropriate boundaries
Your family may want to be involved in your adoption journey beyond what you are comfortable with. It is important to set boundaries around communication, involvement and the level of information you share. Family expectations can become overwhelming alongside other aspects of the adoption process, but setting clear boundaries will help ensure that conversations about adoption happen on your terms.
For example, you can set a boundary by sending an update to your entire family before a big gathering, sharing where you are in your adoption journey and kindly requesting that this topic be set aside during the event. This can help prevent repeating the same, potentially difficult conversation with each person and reassure them that you’ll share any news when the time is right.
Limiting the information your family knows isn’t just beneficial for you, but important for your child. Certain details about your child’s birth parents, medical history or adoption story may be too personal to share with everyone. No one should know more about your child than they know about themselves, at an appropriate age.
Understand that they come from a place of love
Your family loves you and may be eager to learn about your adoption journey. Remember that their questions and involvement come from a place of care, even when they feel intrusive or misguided.
Questions like, “Do you know what kind of baby you will have?” or “Are you worried that the birth parents will come back?” might reflect their concern for you while highlighting the gaps in their understanding about adoption. Educating your family can help reframe these conversations, turning potentially uncomfortable questions into opportunities to share the benefits of openness or insights you learned in your classes.
If you need guidance as you navigate the adoption process with your family, reach out to your Cradle counselor, who is available to support you. If you are interested in learning more about adopting a child, visit our Adoption Services page.
