An out-of-state adoption can mean making travel plans quickly, spending several days away from home and navigating unfamiliar logistics. Learn what you can do before you travel, what to expect once you arrive and how to prepare for the journey home with your baby.
When an adoption opportunity is in another state, the distance can affect nearly every part of the placement experience. You may be navigating an unfamiliar hospital, coordinating with professionals in another state and waiting for paperwork to be completed before you can return home. You cannot anticipate every detail of how a placement will unfold, but you can prepare for some of the practical considerations ahead of time.
How Can You Prepare Before You Travel?
Because an out-of-state placement can happen quickly, it is helpful to make some preparations before you receive a call. If you work, talk with your direct supervisor about the possibility that you may need to leave on short notice and could be away from work for an extended period. You may not know exactly when a placement will happen or how long you will need to stay, so having that conversation in advance can make it easier to step away when the time comes.
If you have other children, it is important to have a plan for their care while you are away. Bringing them with you to an out-of-state placement can be difficult, particularly if you will be spending significant time at the hospital. Unless you have a support person traveling with you, arranging reliable childcare at home may allow you to be more present during the placement and give you greater peace of mind about your children’s care while you are away.
You can also prepare by having basic travel and baby supplies ready. A properly installed car seat is essential, and a car seat that works with a stroller can make getting through an airport much easier. Consider keeping a diaper bag packed with diapers, wipes, diaper cream, bottles and other newborn essentials.
You do not need to anticipate every possible need. If you forget something, you can almost always purchase it once you arrive. But doing some research ahead of time about traveling with an infant, flying with a newborn and caring for a baby away from home can help you feel more confident when you need to leave quickly.
What Should You Expect During the Placement?
Once you arrive in the state where the placement will take place, you may spend considerable time at the hospital and could be there for 5-10 days, although the actual timeframe varies depending on the circumstances and the legal and administrative requirements involved. If possible, find out where the hospital is ahead of time and plan to stay somewhere nearby. A hotel suite or an Airbnb with a kitchen may be more comfortable than a standard hotel room for an extended stay, particularly if you need to prepare bottles or meals. Ask whether your accommodations provide a bassinet or Pack ‘n Play, or make arrangements to bring one if necessary.
Ideally, the professionals involved in the adoption will communicate with the hospital before you arrive and make sure the hospital has the information it needs. Once you are there, hospital staff can help you understand the baby’s needs and how to provide care. If the baby needs formula or has specific medical needs, ask the pediatrician or hospital staff for guidance rather than assuming you know what will be appropriate.
It is also important to understand what information and documentation you should provide while you are at the hospital. Do not provide your insurance information before the legal placement has taken place. In many circumstances, the birth mother retains legal responsibility for the baby until she signs the necessary consent or placement paperwork. You should also not put your last name on documents intended for the baby or assume that your last name should be used on the birth certificate. Requirements and timing vary by state and circumstance, so follow the guidance of the hospital and the adoption professionals handling your placement.
The hospital experience may not unfold exactly as you imagined. Be prepared to spend several hours at the hospital or to care for the baby there for multiple days. Bring clothing, toiletries, chargers, snacks and the supplies you will need to care for a newborn.
It is also important to remain flexible with the plan that was made with the expectant parent. Respect the plan that has been established while understanding that circumstances can change. The timing of the birth may be unpredictable, the hospital experience may look different than expected and the expectant parent’s needs or wishes may change.
What Should You Know Before Traveling Home With Your Baby?
Once you are ready to leave the state, there may still be several logistical considerations. Keep your placement agreement and other official documents provided by your adoption professionals readily accessible when you travel, particularly if you are flying. You may need to demonstrate your relationship to the baby during your travels, and having the appropriate documentation available can help avoid unnecessary complications. Requirements can vary depending on the circumstances and the state, so follow the guidance of your adoption professional about which documents you should carry.
Before you leave, ask the pediatrician or hospital staff about any follow-up care the baby needs and whether there are considerations related to flying or a long car trip. Depending on the medical team’s recommendations, you may want to have the baby seen for a final check before beginning the journey home.
If you are flying, think through your plan for the baby’s seat and how you will manage the car seat and stroller in the airport. Check your airline’s current requirements ahead of time. A pacifier can be useful during takeoff and landing, when swallowing may help with pressure changes in the baby’s ears.
If you are driving home, plan for the trip to take significantly longer than it normally would. Newborns should not spend extended periods in a car seat, so plan to make frequent stops. A general recommendation is to limit time in a car seat to about two to three hours at a time, but ask your pediatrician about what is appropriate for your baby. Building extra time into the trip can help you avoid feeling rushed when you need to stop for feeding, diaper changes or simply to give the baby a break.
What About Seeing the Birth Parent Before You Leave?
For many families, there is an opportunity to spend time with the birth parent before the adoptive parents return home. This may be as simple as meeting for coffee or a meal, depending on what everyone is comfortable with and what was discussed as part of the adoption plan.
This can also be a time to revisit the plan for openness and communication going forward. You may have already talked about letters, photos, updates or other forms of contact, but discussing those plans again before leaving can help everyone feel clear about what comes next.
Where Can I Find Support?
An out-of-state placement can involve a lot of uncertainty, but you do not have to figure it all out on your own. If you have questions or feel uncomfortable at any point during the placement, reach out to the adoption professionals supporting you.
If you need guidance as you navigate the adoption process, reach out to your counselor, who is available to support you. If you are interested in learning more about adopting a child, visit our Adoption Services page.
